The PPV and pizza have been ordered, the lap top is warmed up and the show is ready to begin, so I'm ready to note the play by play of the night.
- The show kicks off in The Rock's hometown of Miami with former ring announcer Lillian Garcia signing America the Beautiful. The event is held under the open roof of Sun Life Stadium, so with the 7:00 PM start time, the sun is still out. Maybe that's why they have a tent covering the ring? Seems like that might obstruct the view of some of the balcony rows, but I suppose you have to protect the performers from getting a sun burn.
- This is why I stopped watching Smackdown. Even WWE doesn't respect it as much as the superior Raw show. The Smackdown title match for the World Heavyweight title opens the show as the first match of the night. Daniel Bryan defends his title against Sheamus. Ok, not exactly mainstream names, so I guess I can see why its not close to the top of the card.
- To make it even worse, the match ended in... 18 seconds. Seriously?? Bryan gave his girlfriend a good luck kiss at ringside, then turned around and got kicked in the face by Sheamus. Three seconds later, Smackdown has a new champion.
- You have to wonder about the story behind this. I assume that either Bryan suffered a last minute injury that kept him from being able to compete or he's about to be suspended (or fired?). Either way, they had to find a way to strip him of the title without needing him to actually do anything in the match, ending it as quickly as possible. Otherwise, Bryan comes out of this looking awful and can't be considered as a serious contender again anytime soon.
Next up is the "Devil's Favorite Demon" Kane against the "Viper" Randy Orton. Kane has recently gone back to wearing a mask, similar to the one he wore when he first came to WWE. Somehow we're also supposed to believe he has long hair again now, when about a year ago he was bald. Are we even sure it's the same guy?
- Does anyone else find it strange to see a giant fake palm tree in each corner of the ring? Just noticed that. Wonder if it will come into play later. Looks like it's too close to the crowd, so probably not, but it would be cool if someone tried to climb it.
- Orton starts out quickly going on the offensive, but attempting to brawl with the larger Kane isn't a winning strategy. Kane eventually takes over and starts to wear down Orton.
- Orton takes back control and hits one of his patented moves, a DDT delivered while the helpless opponent has their legs dangling on the ropes. Something about that seems like it might be against the rules.
- Orton just tried to punt Kane in the skull, but Kane countered, catching Orton by the throat and pounding him to the mat with a vicious Chokeslam, but Orton kicks out of the pin attempt.
- Orton corners Kane in the corner and unleashes a series of hammering punches, but Kane counters with another Chokeslam, this time from the top rope! This time it's enough, as Kane scores the pin fall victory.
- Backstage, Santino Morella and Mick Foley get lessons on how to eat crab. Apparently their method to get the meat out of the shell is to repeatedly slam your fists and elbows into the shell until it cracks. Ron Simmons makes a cameo to say his trademark "Damn!" line. Apparently he wasn't amused by the segment either.
- Cody Rhodes starts out his match against the Big Show by showing video footage of some embarrassing moments Big Show has had at WrestleMania in his career, which includes getting knocked out by Floyd "Money" Mayweather and wearing a thong in a sumo match. Apparently this is supposed to convince us that Rhodes has a chance against a guy three times his size.
- Considering the match is for Rhodes' Intercontinental title, I expect he'll find a way to win. Or at least lose in a way that doesn't cost him the title. What point would there be in having a veteran like Show rule the mid-card rather than pushing a youngster like Rhodes.
- Big Show just sat on Rhodes' head. Hope he didn't eat spicy food for lunch! I don't care what the script calls for, if I were Rhodes I would have tapped out right there. Show is (supposedly) 500 pounds. I wouldn't want his rear end anywhere near my face.
- The theme of the night so far is Chokeslams from the top rope, but it doesn't work for Show, as Rhodes counters. Well sort of, he still fell to the outside of the ring, so that probably didn't feel great, but it somehow gave him the upper hand. He hit a move called the Disaster Kick on Show, where he springs off the ropes to launch himself in the air to deliver a high kick to the head. Apparently it's one of his trademark moves, but it barely dazes Show. He tried it one more time, but Show caught him in mid air with a spear.
- Big Show ends it with... a punch? I know his fists are the size of frying pans, but guys punch each other all the time in wrestling. They can't come up with something more creative for a finishing move for Big Show?
- That thing I said about it not making sense to make Show the IC champ? Ignore that. Just like we can now ignore the IC division on Smackdown again.
- Next we're treated to a montage of the Divas. Basically just an excuse to show as many shots of beautiful women in skimpy outfits. Not complaining!
- WWE has a long running history of including celebrities at WrestleMania. This year it's the host of Extra, Maria Menounos. Why is she wrestling? No idea, but it can't be any worse than last year when Snooki got in the ring. At least we still get to see Kelly Kelly, who teams with Maria against Beth Phoenix and Eve.
- Eve used to be a fan favorite, until she broke the heart of Zack Ryder by making out with John Cena backstage a few weeks ago. That's why the crowd is chanting "ho-ski" when she's in the ring, a term which pays homage to Ryder for his catch phrase bro-ski.
- How a character modeled after the cast of Jersey Shore that uses catch phrases like bro-ski got to be so popular to begin with is beyond me. It actually has me rooting for Eve.
- Kelly Kelly just did a somersault off the top rope and landed on Phoenix. Who says the women wrestlers don't have some impressive moves?
- To the surprise of no one, the team with the celebrity guest won the match, with Maria rolling up Phoenix for the pin, thanks to an assist from Kelly Kelly.
- Kelly Kelly - the girl so nice, they named her twice.
- Leave it to Michael Cole to say that this was an extra special victory. Thanks for the bad puns Cole!
- The ring announcer just announced that WrestleMania just set an attendance record for Sun Life Stadium. Considering their competition has been the Miami Dolphins, that's not as big an accomplishment as you might think, yet WWE decides to celebrate with fireworks anyway.
- If the Dolphins had managed to pull off a trade for Tim Tebow, how long would it take them to break that attendance record? I guess we'll never know.
- WWE often breaks indoor attendance records due to the fact that they are able to cram in more seats than sports or concerts can. A wrestling ring and the surrounding area leading up to the stage doesn't take up nearly as much room as a football field. That allows WWE to put more seats closer to the action. If the Super Bowl were held in the same stadium and somehow managed to find room for that many more seats it would easily match that attendance record.
Now it's time for what may be the best match of the night - Triple H versus the Undertaker. The two legends fought last year, but their rematch ups the anti by sticking them inside Hell In A Cell and adding the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels as the guest referee.
- HBK retired after losing at WrestleMania to Undertaker two years ago. He also happens to be the best friend of HHH. So yea, he'll be unbiased.
- HHH and Taker have been in more Hell In A Cell matches than anyone in the history of WWE. The first Cell match was back in 1998 and featured Taker versus HBK. It's one of the most brutal match types that WWE offers, especially in it's current PG friendly atmosphere.
- This match is supposed to signal the end of an era. HHH has already moved on in his career to take on more of an executive role with the company, as he and his wife Stephanie will one day inherit the company from his father-in-law, Vince McMahon. Undertaker, on the other hand, has just gotten too old. He rarely has competed outside of WrestleMania in years, so this could very well be his last match.
- This match may be the most anticipated of the night, despite that it's likely the most predictable. Everyone expects Taker to up his undefeated streak to a perfect 20-0 before calling it a career. Any other outcome would be shocking. Yet even knowing the winner ahead of time shouldn't spoil what promises to be another classic match.
- Even assuming Taker will win, it will still be interesting to see how HBK's involvement plays out. Will he screw over his friend HHH? Probably not, since HBK claims he's done with his wrestling career, so setting up a feud between the two is bound to go nowhere. More likely, a reluctant HBK will be left with no choice but to name Taker the winner.
- After over two decades in WWE, Taker's ring entrance still gives me shivers. Best entrance ever, even if it does take 20 minutes to get him in the ring.
- Taker takes off his cloak to begin the match, revealing he's cut his long hair for a short mohawk. It kind of looks ridiculous. If the match ends with Taker transforming back into the motorcycle driving American Bad Ass character that everyone hated years ago, I'm turning this PPV off. I'm not kidding.
- Most of the action has taken place outside of the ring so far, despite that the cage around them means there isn't much room for them to go. HBK tries to uses his referee authority to talk them back into the ring, but Taker shoves him away. That's not likely to go over well.
- Taker starts doing some damage to HHH with the steel steps. There basically aren't any rules in this type of match, so bashing someones skull with the steps is relatively tame for what we're likely to see.
- The steps are thrown into the ring and the two take turns using it to their advantage. HHH slams Taker win a spinebuster on to the steps, but Taker recovers quickly enough to lock in the Hells Gate, the submission move that he used to beat HHH last year. I don't think I've ever seen anyone escape that hold before, but HHH finds a way by showing tremendous strength in lifting Taker up and powerbombing him to the mat, forcing him to let go.
- Apparently they got bored with the steps and moved on to steel chairs. HHH gets a little carried away by repeatedly bashing Taker in the back with a chair while the Dead Man lays helplessly on the ground. HBK tries to get him to stop, while pleading with Taker to give up. When that doesn't work, HHH raises the stakes once again, introducing his classic weapon of choice into the ring - a sledgehammer.
Say what you want about wrestling being fake because the outcomes are scripted, but the bruises all over Taker's back beg to differ.
- HHH tries to take the Undertaker's head off, but HBK grabs the weapon and throws it out of the ring. HHH continues to scream at his friend to end the match, or he will. HBK tries to plead with Taker again to give up, but Taker mistakes him for HHH and locks the Hells Gate on HBK.
- A new ref enters the ring to take over for the incapacitated HBK, but Taker can't end it after a vicious Chokeslam. Taker takes out his frustrations by Chokeslamming the new ref.
- HBK recovers to deliver Sweet Chin Music to Taker, which sets up HHH to deliver the Pedigree, but it's still not enough as Taker somehow kicks out again!
- Taker takes control thanks to getting his chance to use the steel chairs to his advantage. He even uses HHH's own weapon, the sledgehammer, against him, cracking him across the face with it before ending the match with a Tombstone piledriver.
- It makes sense to end it with Taker's original finisher, the Tombstone, but I'm surprised he didn't pull out the Last Ride powerbomb at some point near the end. It would have been symbolic of this being Taker's last match. If this really is the end of an era, then what a ride it's been for the Undertaker.
- A touching moment at the end with Taker showing a sign of respect by helping HBK carry a battered HHH away from the ring. The group hug on the ramp was a little much though.
- Next is a package of highlights from this year's Hall of Fame ceremony. The biggest name on the list is Edge. The Rated R Superstar was sadly forced to retire early due to neck injuries.
- The WWE Hall of Fame also has a celebrity wing, which this year inducted Mike Tyson. Iron Mike has had some memorable moments in WWE history, including an appearance at WrestleMania XIV when he helped Stone Cold Steve Austin win the title from Shawn Michaels.
- The next match of Team Johnny versus Team Teddy is focused around the feud between the GM of Raw, John Laurinaitis and the Smackdown GM, Teddy Long. Each GM has a team of six superstars representing them, with the GM of the winning team taking over as GM of both shows.
- Team Johnny: Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Mark Henry, David Otonga, Jack Swagger, Drew Mcyntire.
- Team Teddy: Kofi Kingston, Santino Morella, Great Khali, R Truth, Zack Ryder, Booker T.
- Last year at WrestleMania, The Miz won the main event by defending his WWE title against John Cena. Now he's a role player in a mid-card filler match. So much for the push he was getting.
- Why does Vickie Guerrero still have a job? Is Vince still not done feeling guilty about wrestling's impact on her husband's untimely death? Jerry Lawler just called Vickie a cougar, saying she's been on more manhunts than the FBI. I just threw up in my mouth a little.
- Santino just put a sock that looks like a snake on his hand and poked Miz with it. He calls it the Cobra. I'm not making this up.
- Team Johnny wins when Eve inadvertently distracts Ryder, allowing Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the victory. So that means we're going to be forced to put up with more from Lauriniatis. The annoying guy that lacks any semblance of charisma. Good move WWE.
- After the match, Eve tries to apologize for costing Ryder the match, then surprises him with a low blow kick to the groin. In fairness to her, most people would like to do the same to The Situation from Jersey Shore, so if Ryder is going to act like him, he probably deserved that.
- Is A-Rod dating former Diva and Playboy cover girl Torrie Wilson? They were just shown sitting together in the front row. Add another celebrity blonde to A-Rod's list.
- Lauriniatis is already showing his power hungry ways right after his team's victory by telling CM Punk backstage that if he gets disqualified in his match tonight, he'll lose his WWE title.
- This match could steal the show as the best pure wrestling match on the card, between Punk and Chris Jericho. As long as this new stipulation about how Punk could lose the belt due to DQ doesn't ruin it. The rivalry centers around how Jericho made his long awaited return to WWE to challenge Punk because he was angry at how Punk had been stealing his catch phrase about being the "best in the world."
- Jericho had taken some time off to focus on his music career with his band Fozzy, while also making an appearance as a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. Punk's ascension to main even status happened during Jericho's absence, so now he's returned to prove that he's still the best.
The feud over who deserves the "Best in the World" title has been a good build up to this match. Jericho's mind games, which included talking about Punk's family issues might be a little overboard (if they are true). He claims Punk is straight edge because his father is an alcoholic and his sister is a drug addict.
- Jericho continues the mind games in the match, taunting Punk in an attempt to frustrate him into getting himself disqualified, which due to the new stipulation, would hand him the title.
- Nice series of counters as Jericho counters a bulldog to set up a Lionsault, which Punk counters by getting his knees up. Jericho then grabs Punk's legs to try to lock in the Walls of Jericho submission, but Punk rolls out. Punk goes up top to pay homage to Macho Man Randy Savage with a big elbow drop, but Jericho counters that and delivers a Codebreaker, the momentum of which sends Punk rolling out of the ring.
- Punk tries to throw Jericho off the top rope with a Hurricanrana, but Jericho counters and locks in the Walls of Jericho, until Punk manages to get to the ropes to break the hold.
- Punk launches himself, using the ropes as a spring board, but Jericho catches him in mid air with a Codebreaker! Somehow, Punk kicks out after a near fall.
- The technical battle continues as Jericho counters Punk's finisher, the Go To Sleep, and locks in the Walls of Jericho again. Punk somehow manages to get out of the hold and lock in his own submission move, the Anaconda Vice. The two exchange several counters back and forth, attempting to lock in their own submission holds, but Punk finally prevailed, getting Jericho to tap out.
- Great back and forth match between two of the companies most skilled competitors.
- Just in case you thought WWE was passed the days when they used corny gimmicks, out comes a guy that calls himself the Funkasaurus. His theme song is a funk song called Somebody Call My Mama. When he comes out, he pulls out a cell phone and... wait for it... actually calls his mama. Turns out she is also at WrestleMania. She leads a group of her bridge club friends out onto the stage to dance with the Funkasaurus.
- I have some serious doubts that this woman is actually his mother.
- Time for twenty minutes of promos to hype the Rock/Cena match, because clearly they haven't done enough of that over the past year. That's right, this match was announced a year ago, right after last year's WrestleMania. Since then, all they've done is trade insults on the rare occasion that Rock actually shows up. Now we'll finally get to see them in the ring together.
- This match actually stems from some real life beef between the two. After Rock left WWE to pursue his acting career nearly a decade ago, a young rising star named John Cena made some comments about how Rock was a phony for turning his back on the industry and going Hollywood. While Rock has stopped by for a handful of appearances over the years, Cena says he is there every night and has never abandoned the fans. Clearly, Rock took exception to those harsh words.
- It's only 10:15 and we're at the main event already. Considering Rock has barely been in a wrestling ring in years, it's doubtful he has the stamina to go more than 30 minutes in a match, which means this might be ending early. Maybe they shouldn't have started at 7:00.
- Flo Rida (not be be confused with the state of Florida) comes out to perform a couple of his hit songs, while introducing the Rock. So long entrances is how they plan on filling the remaining time. Got it.
- Just found out that the girl that sings alongside Flo Rida in the Wild Ones song is a punk chick with crazy purple hair. Never knew that. Kind of wish I still didn't know that.
- Finally... The Rock... has come back... to WrestleMania! I'll be happier when he finally gets to the ring, why does he keep wandering around the stage? Someone point this man in the right direction!
- You could say that Rock has home court advantage given that he's from Miami. He certainly got a nice pop when being introduced, especially when the announcer mentioned his hometown. Then again, the crowd reaction is split basically the same wherever they are (except Boston, where Cena can invite all his hometown friends to influence the crowd response). Only women and young children like Cena. The majority of the fans are adult males, who favor Rock.
- If this match started out any slower, Rock would have time to retire again, make another movie, then another triumphant comeback before this match gets over with.
- Rock attempts to sell a rib injury after Cena drops him onto the announce table. It's acting skills like that which make you understand why Rock left to do movies.
- The crowd starts taunting Cena with chants of Fruity Pebbles (poking fun at his colorful collection of tee shirts). Cena fans counter with taunts of Tooth Fairy directed at Rock (come on, you saw that movie, right?).
- After a series of trading blows, Rock builds up a head of steam and tries to lay the smack down on Cena, until Cena counters and hits an Attitude Adjustment. But it's not over, as Rock kicks out! He then hits the Rock Bottom, but Cena kicks out! Main event at WrestleMania means there must be a quota for the number of times each guy has to kick out of his opponent's finisher.
- Rock locks in the Sharpershooter! I almost forgot about near the end of Rock's career when he stole that move from the playbook of Bret Hart.
- Speaking of powerhouse brawlers that were forced later in their careers to add an uncharacteristic submission move to their arsenal to dispel criticism that they don't know how to wrestle... Cena locks in the STF! Rock looks like he's passed out, but somehow finds another burst of energy at the last second before being counted out and makes it to the ropes to break the hold.
- Rock hits a spinebuster and it's time for the most electrifying move in sports entertainment... the People's Elbow!
- Rock connects with a cross body from off the top rope, but Cena rolls through and lifts Rock up for an AA. Again Rock kicks out of a pin!
- Cena gets a little cocky imitating Rock by trying to set him up for the People's Elbow, but when Cena turns his back to run the ropes, Rock springs to his feet. By the time Cena springs off the ropes to run back the other way, Rock is there waiting for him with a Rock Bottom. Game over. Rock pins Cena for the win.
- Not really surprising that Rock won, considering it was in his hometown and the fans probably would have rioted if Cena won (at least that's what the sign said from a guy sitting in the first row). Plus, it's doubtful Rock would have agreed to the match unless they were going to allow him to win. Yet given that WWE knows he's leaving again, what do they really have to gain by Rock winning? Despite the negative crowd response he often receives, Cena is their most marketable star. After starting his career 6-0 at WrestleMania, he's now lost on the big stage two years in a row, with Rock playing a key part in both losses (he cost Rock the match against Miz last year with his interference). We know what happens to Rock now - he goes back to Hollywood, but where does Cena go from here?
- Rumor has it that former UFC Champion Brock Lesner may be returning to WWE for a run building up to next year's WrestleMania. Considering how pretty much every fan hates Lesner for the way he left the company several years ago, maybe having him feud with Cena would help more fans rally around Cena. I mean, they have to hate Lesner more, right?
- Overall the show was a success. It wasn't a particularly deep card and lacked for any signature WrestleMania moments. Yet it's best matches, such as HHH/Taker and Punk/Jericho carried the show and made it worthwhile.
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